00;00;00;00 - 00;00;23;06
Unknown
So many instructors tell us to lead our partners, but nobody seems to explain how you're supposed to lead your partner. What if the person in front of you, the person that you're training with, is not moving? They're not going anywhere. The technique stops, they resist. And this blending or leading just isn't working. Let's get into this topic today.
00;00;23;06 - 00;00;48;24
Unknown
So I was fortunate enough back in the 80s to have a friend and training partner who was much bigger than me, much stronger than me. Well, there were many of those. But this particular friend really, really did not want to give me anything. He wanted me to, to earn every throw. And so what that meant was that I would get locked down often with him.
00;00;48;26 - 00;01;15;20
Unknown
And what I what I did, and luckily my teacher never told me not to do this. What I finally started doing was I started switching to different techniques. If we were working on Shiho Nage, she for sure I would get locked down in the first few tries. So then I would switch to Kokyunage. I'd switch to Tenchinage if we were doing two handed.
00;01;15;20 - 00;01;30;23
Unknown
Shihonage I would switch to all these different things. Not fast. Just so that my mind didn't get locked down on any one technique and he would go with it then.
00;01;30;26 - 00;01;56;14
Unknown
Interestingly, I don't think this was just a trick, you know, to to get him to move, to get him to fall down. It might have been also, or even more so, a trick for my own brain. So maybe the reason he was able to stop me so easily, so often was because I was locked into I've got to do it exactly this way.
00;01;56;16 - 00;02;15;23
Unknown
And so when I freed up my brain and said, okay, I'm just going to move and I'm going to do what seems natural for our own alignment. However we are aligned and in relation to each other. I'm going to do a technique that is appropriate for that. And I don't care what sensei's teaching
00;02;15;23 - 00;02;20;21
Unknown
so luckily, sensei didn't seem to have a problem with that.
00;02;20;21 - 00;02;42;11
Unknown
He never once came over to me and said, no, Lia we're working on Shihonage. what are you doing? And never ever. So anyway. And then I had much better luck. So then I was able to to throw this partner. And then we got back to our four and four and four and four in a nice rhythm and nice pace.
00;02;42;14 - 00;03;13;01
Unknown
So as I said, one thing that I did was I allowed myself to do any technique that came to mind. The other thing that I did was this leading, I'll call it leading. And just an oversimplification. If you think of a of a horse and a carrot. So even if you're not a serious equestrian, you of course everybody knows that you can lead a horse with with a carrot if the horse is hungry, or even if they're not terribly hungry.
00;03;13;04 - 00;03;34;23
Unknown
If you've got a carrot. Horses love carrots, and if you keep it just the right distance with an inviting atmosphere, you know you can't be like this and threatening the horse to have a club or a whip or something. Hold the carrot. It's it's going to judge like, well, okay, I'd love to have that carrot, but I don't think I want to get hit.
00;03;34;23 - 00;03;37;27
Unknown
This person seems crazy or mean. Okay,
00;03;38;00 - 00;03;53;04
Unknown
So you've got to provide the carrot. And we all know once you feed the horse the carrot, then you've lost your currency. You know, you've lost your power in in the relationship. So this is what I really worked at doing.
00;03;53;04 - 00;04;18;21
Unknown
So most people when they hear this idea of leading, they they just especially at the beginner levels, even intermediate levels, they just confuse it with pulling. And oftentimes they, they think it's to pull and turn at the same time. It's not going to work, not if your partner is honest and heavy. So the pulling is again, it's just resistance.
00;04;18;25 - 00;04;21;29
Unknown
You're moving against resistance.
00;04;22;02 - 00;04;25;12
Unknown
Also, whenever we force something,
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Unknown
we are training something that we don't really want.
00;04;30;22 - 00;04;52;05
Unknown
I don't know anybody who starts so that they can fight force with force. That's one of like the leading features of Aikido That's like a sales sales feature for Aikido Oh, leading. You know, not meeting force with force. That sounds interesting. That sounds good. Yep. And so people try it and then sometimes they stick around.
00;04;52;07 - 00;04;59;10
Unknown
So when you fail, first of all, that's that's an interesting sentence or a fragment.
00;04;59;10 - 00;05;01;16
Unknown
But most of us equate
00;05;01;18 - 00;05;04;11
Unknown
our partner not falling down with failure.
00;05;04;13 - 00;05;12;14
Unknown
But what if we can first of all, take the idea of failure and success and make them separate
00;05;12;14 - 00;05;18;00
Unknown
from what our partner does? So even if your partner doesn't fall down,
00;05;18;00 - 00;05;23;23
Unknown
what if your partner has like a really surprised face when they're taking ukemi, right.
00;05;23;23 - 00;05;53;29
Unknown
And they really move, they they move and they go, wow. But they didn't fall down. Well that's success isn't it. Probably. Especially if they say, oh my gosh, I didn't even feel anything. And but they did this big, big movement when they attacked you. So anyway, that can be success. And let's say that you're bigger than your partner and you make them fall down, but they're like, oh, and maybe they just rub their hip, rub their back or something.
00;05;54;02 - 00;06;14;23
Unknown
Maybe you hurt them so you weren't so sensitive. So even though they fell down, that's a failure in my opinion. So anyway, if we get rid of these ideas of success equals they fall down and failure equals they don't fall down. Then we can really learn a lot and really go deep and really improve ourselves.
00;06;14;23 - 00;06;37;16
Unknown
So if your partner doesn't move or doesn't fall down, and then you catch yourself tightening up or trying to push harder or pull harder, let's call that failure, okay? That's not what we want to get good at. And it's not the thing that is going to serve us. Whether we train with somebody our own size or
00;06;37;18 - 00;06;39;15
Unknown
double our size.
00;06;39;17 - 00;07;03;09
Unknown
So we've got to find something that's going to serve us when we're training with all different kinds of people. And if your partner doesn't fall down and you train yourself to instead of push or pull more, you train yourself to become quieter in your mind and try leading. Let's call that success. Okay,
00;07;03;11 - 00;07;03;25
Unknown
so
00;07;03;27 - 00;07;11;22
Unknown
I'm going to get into the mechanics of what it means to lead, how to lead somebody in a moment.
00;07;12;00 - 00;07;14;19
Unknown
But let's let's backtrack for now
00;07;14;20 - 00;07;24;00
Unknown
and let's talk more about the horse and the carrot. So you've got the horse. You've got the carrot, right. The horse wants the carrot. Let's say that you are
00;07;24;00 - 00;07;26;21
Unknown
five miles down the road from the horse,
00;07;26;21 - 00;07;35;19
Unknown
ten kilometers down the road. You've got your carrot. Oh, that horse isn't following me. No, of course you're too disconnected from it,
00;07;35;19 - 00;07;36;04
Unknown
right?
00;07;36;08 - 00;07;52;29
Unknown
Let's say that you're just an inch away from the horse. You show it the carrot and it gets it quicker than you expected. Now the carrots in the horse's mouth. Oh, man. So now the horse doesn't need to follow you. It's already got the carrot. So
00;07;52;29 - 00;08;04;14
Unknown
if you can be just the right distance from the horse and provide a welcoming atmosphere an encouraging atmosphere and path,
00;08;04;17 - 00;08;32;26
Unknown
Then you've got a real possibility of incentivizing that horse to follow the carrot. So it's the same with the human, same with your partner. You've got to first make a contact, a connection. And you know, in conversation we don't always touch each other, but we still we know a connected conversation from a disconnected conversation, don't we?
00;08;32;29 - 00;08;48;23
Unknown
everybody who watches this video, I bet, can relate to that, that we know when we're in a conversation where our partner is really connected, where we've got a good connection with this partner, and then other times, like, wait a minute, are you even listening to me?
00;08;48;26 - 00;09;06;00
Unknown
You know, they say something that makes you think what they don't get me. They weren't they weren't paying attention when I said that last couple of sentences. Right. So there's got to be a connection. And if we're talking about leading, then there has to be this connection before the contact.
00;09;06;00 - 00;09;19;26
Unknown
So if you're trying to do your leading by force pulling in the case of leading, then this connection just starts at the moment of contact when their hand grabs your wrist and you pull on them.
00;09;19;28 - 00;09;28;03
Unknown
If you really, really work on doing connection based leading, then this connection has to start before that contact.
00;09;28;03 - 00;09;43;26
Unknown
So I recommend that as you're training, instead of thinking to yourself, how do I move this person? Instead, ask, where should I go? What direction should I take, and where are we going more accurately?
00;09;43;26 - 00;09;50;24
Unknown
And then the technique just just folds right into that. Sounds easy. It's not.
00;09;50;24 - 00;10;13;16
Unknown
So let's take a look at the mechanics of it. Now how do we do it. So first of all we've got to have commitment without rigidity. So imagine a conversation where you've committed to this person. You know, have you ever said or has someone ever said to you.
00;10;13;18 - 00;10;29;13
Unknown
A friend texted me the other day and said, hey, do you have a minute? I'm trying to process a an issue that I'm working on and can I call you? And I texted back, oh, you'll get better quality conversation from me if you call me in about an hour.
00;10;29;15 - 00;10;30;22
Unknown
Right now, I'm too
00;10;30;28 - 00;10;40;20
Unknown
So this was when I could commit to having a conversation with her and getting rid of distractions. So you've got to commit
00;10;40;22 - 00;10;43;18
Unknown
and then you have to not be rigid. So
00;10;43;20 - 00;10;58;13
Unknown
you're going to have a conversation with your friend. You're going to commit to it. You're going to be focused on the quality of the conversation. And in a good conversation you listen and you respond.
00;10;58;15 - 00;11;17;14
Unknown
They listen, they respond, you listen, you respond. And in a good conversation because it takes that structure. You don't have to lock yourself down for a specific outcome.
00;11;17;14 - 00;11;23;29
Unknown
Right? So it's the same with this person who's just so rooted and you're trying to get them to move.
00;11;23;29 - 00;11;44;29
Unknown
If you think that this technique has to be executed like step one, step two, step three of 45 degree angle 37 degree angle, baba baba baba. I think they're just going to get more and more rooted. I think it's going to get more and more difficult. But if you commit to paying attention to them
00;11;44;29 - 00;11;56;23
Unknown
and I would say literally point your center towards their center and then start moving it just a little bit before their center moves.
00;11;56;25 - 00;12;01;08
Unknown
If you imagine two flashlights, right,
00;12;01;11 - 00;12;20;14
Unknown
if you move your own center along with your limbs, like the horse with the carrot, you know, you do have to move that carrot. Oftentimes you can get people moving very easily, and you need to stay loose through this process.
00;12;20;14 - 00;12;45;04
Unknown
That's really difficult. Loosen your shoulders. So you might think, well, if they're not even contacting me anyway, if they don't, if they don't have their hands on me, then what? What difference does it make whether I'm tight or loose? It really makes a difference. It really makes a difference. So loosen your shoulders when you do this moving and and this flashlight technique that I'm talking about.
00;12;45;07 - 00;13;11;08
Unknown
And once you think that your shoulders are pretty loose, try to loosen them more. Tell yourself when you think like, oh wow, great, I think I'm doing it. Tell yourself beat yourself up a little bit and go like, probably not. I wonder if Lia Suzuki were here, if she would tell me to loosen my shoulders more. So, you know, for this kind of work, you're never going to have your shoulders too loose, okay?
00;13;11;10 - 00;13;20;04
Unknown
And when we get that big, strong person hanging on to us, then we realize, oh, I did have some unnecessary tension in my shoulders there.
00;13;20;07 - 00;13;47;09
Unknown
So first at the beginning line up your belly button, the contact point. What's going to be the contact point and their belly button. All right. You've got a straight ish line with three points on it. And then you're going to move your part of the line just a half a centimeter ahead of their belly button, and you're going to stay super loose.
00;13;47;11 - 00;13;47;19
Unknown
00;13;47;21 - 00;14;03;27
Unknown
And then finally, you do have to pay attention to your partner in a benevolent way. Let me go back to the idea about staying loose.
00;14;04;00 - 00;14;25;05
Unknown
If you're not a horse person, I'm not sure if this will really, drive the point home. It might. If you're a horse person, this will definitely drive the point home. Imagine that you're the perfect distance from the horse. You've got this nice, juicy, fresh carrot. The horse is looking at it like, oh, look at that. It smells it.
00;14;25;11 - 00;14;46;09
Unknown
And you're going to stand here like this. Any horse person, you know, like horses can be very sensitive. So imagine you don't know this horse. The horse doesn't know you. And you're like, here's the carrot. Or worse yet, you've got a crop or a whip in your other hand.
00;14;46;12 - 00;15;08;13
Unknown
That horse. It's not going to commit to moving forward, most likely, but then you get rid of the crop. You get rid of the whip, you loosen up, you smile, and you make yourself you make you give yourself an air of positivity.
00;15;08;15 - 00;15;33;03
Unknown
Most horses will come to the carrot unless unless they've been abused in the past. So we won't go down that. That's a whole nother topic on a different channel, I guess. Anyway, so and that raises another point about our human training partners. We don't know what's going on with them. We don't know is they're back killing them today and that's why they don't want to fall.
00;15;33;05 - 00;16;02;16
Unknown
Right. You just don't know. So all of the things that I mentioned are what you can do to move things forward. And and, you know, this is a really complex topic. And this is why I made the my weekly newsletter, because I feel that it's very important to go into these topics. As a teacher, if I'm just saying lead your partner, lead your partner, lead your partner.
00;16;02;18 - 00;16;25;25
Unknown
If my students don't know what it means, it's probably not going to improve or not very much. So I have to be able to say mechanically, you know, put your wrist here, do this, do that, and then they've got a better chance. So that's why I've got this newsletter of my weekly videos, my weekly training videos. And you know, you can jump on that if you want.
00;16;25;26 - 00;16;29;14
Unknown
It's free. The link is in the description below. But
00;16;29;14 - 00;17;06;07
Unknown
In conclusion, leading in Aikido requires you to think about your structure. It requires you to quiet your mind so you can pay attention to your partner partner and create a quality connection. Even before the physical contact. And if you change from inside, you know your mind and also loosen up, you'll have a much better chance of leading. And when you have a good chance of leading, when you can do leading, well, then your techniques go much more smoothly.
00;17;06;10 - 00;17;08;10
Unknown
You have much more success.
00;17;08;13 - 00;17;36;20
Unknown
So thank you for tuning in. And if you're interested in training with me in person, check out my seminar schedule. Also, I'll be taking three small groups with me to various destinations in 2027. I'll have the first tour that I'll be doing will be in March, and we'll be doing some cherry blossom viewing, some hot spring visits, and of course, Aikido training.
00;17;36;23 - 00;18;14;02
Unknown
The second one will be training and training and training and training in my old stomping ground, Kamakura, along with Yokohama and Tokyo again. That'll be in May. And then in September of 2027, I'll be taking a group to the Netherlands and Germany. So if you'd like to know more about that, you can go to my waitlist, join the waitlist and it's free to do so, of course, and then you'll be the first to be notified when these tours start to take shape and registration opens up.
00;18;14;08 - 00;18;17;18
Unknown
Thanks so much for joining and I'll see you again next time. Bye bye.
